why do we teach?

Last night I took my three year-old son, Owen, to the bookstore. He mostly just plays with the trains and then likes to walk around holding the Elmo, Big Bird, and Cookie Monster stuffed animals that they have for sale. But last night, one of the employees was hosting story time, and I could tell she was reading a book about bullying to some 4-5 year-olds. One of the children must have asked a question because I could hear the employee explaining that "we don't treat people like that because we wouldn't want to be treated in that way." Now, I've thought about this before...why do we bother teaching children about the Golden Rule if we really don't believe in it? Parents, teachers, religious leaders: all of these people sometimes devote their entire lives to reaching out to children, trying to impart to them the importance of manners, civility, fairness. However, when children become teenagers and young adults, they embark on the most difficult transition, I believe, of life: losing innocence. We learn that people are often quick to betray if a reward is in store. We learn that people often have a price. We learn that people are extremely judgmental. It's fine if it's human nature to be this way; heck, I know I am. But I feel like a complete fraud when my children ask me, "Why do people do that?" and I have to explain that some people are just plain mean. And they are truly confused about that. To be honest, so am I. When I was taught morality, manners, and civility, I took it seriously because I thought that the fact that I was being taught those meant that everyone else took them seriously as well. What I should have discovered earlier is that it's all one big smiley lie. We're nice to people (if we agree with them, or often only if they look and act like us). I discovered in middle school that I was forbidden from dating anyone who wasn't white. I literally had no idea that that would matter, but it made me see my family in a different light from that day forward. How could we have one set of morals at church and another in every other aspect of life? I don't think I will ever resolve this paradox in my mind. But there are so many examples in today's society where our children are going to start seeing this paradox, and I think it's a serious problem. Treat others fairly, except if they are not Christian themselves. Well, really just if they're Muslim. Poor people just take advantage of others and are lazy, spoken by stay-at-home middle-class mothers who either never had jobs in their lives or only worked until becoming pregnant. Oh, and poor people who are black are the ultimate outcasts. Well, maybe poor Mexican people have it worse. True compassion is not being a Christian who practices one set of thoughts in church and another in the world. Most people I'm sure would argue that they do not contribute to this paradox, but if we're being really honest with each other, they are. And this disparity does such a grave disservice to our children. It really started me down the cyncial path when I started to notice these things, and I can't bear the thought of my own children being cynical. Because imagine how great our world could be if people set aside judgments and lived as we teach our children.

are we all blind?

I listened to President Obama's speech tonight from Arizona. And I cried when he spoke of Christina. Because I can remember myself at that age, and I have a nine year-old son. And I understand how kids view our world. They have no idea that people can be so hurtful to each other on purpose. They have no idea how controlling money and power are over most people. They have no idea that most people don't really care about one another because they're too busy looking out for number 1. After all, that might be the easiest way to live, and it's also the most rewarding way to live in our society. Even most Christians I know live like that. Now, I'm sure that makes me sound like I'm such a holier-than-thou saint; I'm really not and I have no delusions about that. But at least I'm aware of it all, and I really think that most people aren't. No, most nine year-olds are so hopeful and trusting, and really it's a breath of fresh air. I feel safe around my children because I know they aren't judging me like everyone else is. I know they are new and unspoiled. And god, I wish they could stay like that forever. Christina won't. But for those of us who still have our family members, how do we live? Do we keep on fighting the same fights that have been fought for centuries? Is it possible to inspire leaders who will take a part of our national conversation and scream, "ENOUGH! For God's sake, ENOUGH!" The generations who have come before us gave up more than we could ever hope to understand because they believed in the future. Just like a nine year-old would believe in it. And in the past two years, I have lost so much hope. We have let so many opportunities slip through our fingers because we're worried about paying taxes or illegal immigrants taking our jobs or the government trying to steal our freedoms. But those are just illusions. They are illusions put up by those who, ironically, gain even more power as they convince people to vote for them. The President wants to help people get more affordable health care so that we can actually afford treatments and preventative measures. He wants everyone to be able to have the chance to attend college, not just those who can afford it. He wants our food to be safer and healthier. How in the world is any of this evil, reminiscent of Hitler? When I think of our country, I don't see it like a nine year-old anymore. But I have a huge stake in this country; I have two sons. I do not want fear and sadness to be the script of their lives. But since the "good ole days" don't exist, is there a precedent? Is there something good for us to get back to, or are we creating a wholly new future? If so, if that's what it's going to take, we need those who know how to act like a nine year-old in order to get there.

putting a dollar on life

Unless you are truly mentally deranged, we all value life. What I mean is that most of us would never try to seriously injure or kill someone. Except sometimes I have to admit that I'm really not so sure about that observation. From conversations with people in my family to my students to people on the discussion boards in my distance education graduate class, people get mad. They have certain ideas and beliefs, and if those are threatened, it inspires anger. Which is so dangerous. It took awhile for me to form certain beliefs that now really define who I am. But I cherish that process that formed me. It's called journalism. Around the 2004 presidential election, I really started to pay attention because I realized I didn't know much about politics, and what kind of citizen did that make me? And not to toot my own horn, but I really wish more people felt the same way. But if I encounter an article or opinion that threatens what I believe, I still consider it. Which is SO much more than almost anyone else can say today. The problem is that it's so easy to inspire anger and hatred, which is what society has seen over the centuries. But we're supposed to be more enlightened now, not more medieval. Sure, it's much easier on everyone if the world can be boiled down to black and white, but it's just not accurate. We all value life. People of all walks and beliefs and backgrounds and ethnicities and religions. Not just Christians who are white and middle to upper-class. I belong to that group, but I couldn't really be farther from it. Anyhow, what I really wanted to say tonight was about the shooting in Arizona. I think it's going to be easy to forget that people died, including a 9 year-old girl. My son is 9 years old. Why is it such a bad thing that people are calling for our national discourse to get rid of phrases from Sarah Palin like, "don't retreat, reload!" That isn't intellectual. Sure, it's a metaphor, but I'm guessing that with our current state of education, we can't be assuming that people have the skills to interpret metaphors. Especially when Sarah Palin is usually shown literally hunting something. Again, I like to think that most of us would never intentionally hurt someone else. But when I've seen hatred shown toward gay people, young girls who get pregnant on accident, and people who support government taxes, my faith falters in the goodness of people.

the gray

After having laid out all of the negatives about myself in my last post, I think I'm actually just a little bit wrong. I do have a lot of goodness in me. I spend a lot of my personal money on my classroom, buying prizes for students with the highest averages and most improved averages. I buy each student a reporter's notebook during our observational writing unit to encourage them to become journalists and observers. I constantly buy more books to keep on my bookshelves for them to check out and to read. I give extra credit opportunities. I try to make lessons fun and funny. I consider all of this, which is more than most teachers can say; I do not copy worksheets and do work out of a textbook. I love to surprise people by perhaps buying something for them if I'm out and see something that reminds me of them. When in a situation, my first response is not to be mean back to someone. If a person has made a rude comment to me, my first instinct is not to make one back. I am someone who usually thinks of the good stuff after the fact. :) But it's this stuff that gets me into trouble. There aren't many people out there who aren't just mean. And it doesn't help that I teach teenagers. If I could suppress these things about myself, then my life would be easier, probably happier, and less disappointing because most of the people I run into just aren't nice. But is it better to be a good person than to have an easy time of it? I may never answer this question fully.

black and white

Oh, Cyndi Lauper:
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
Do we really want people to be who they are? As a teacher, I mostly hear my colleagues claim that, yes, be who you are! I'm not so sure. I know that sounds cynical or even tyrannical, but "hear" me out.

I have no idea what most people think of me. I can't worry about how my students feel about me because a) they're teenagers and b) I'm not there to be their friend. I don't know how my colleagues feel about me, but I'll bet it's mostly positive, if they spend any time thinking about me at all. Deep down, though, I would say that I'm really selfish, self-centered, and prone to being jealous. I can also be materialistic and mean-spirited. If these are my "true colors", then I will have to disagree with Cyndi Lauper (which kills me! :) I guess these qualities further define who I am, make me unique, blah blah blah. Actually, these qualities probably describe almost everyone else alive right now, so maybe they don't really make me unique. So, to be told to be who I am, I really don't want to do that.

If I'm not going to be who I really am, deep down, then who am I going to be? A contrived version of my best self? Whatever I decide I want to be on any particular day? I think these questions further beg the question: who are any of us? I think most people might have a small group of really close friends who know the truth about them, and that's the closest we get to being who we really are. But then there are some people who are quite comfortable with being their true selves at all times (and those can be some really good people and some really misguided people as well).

I think that if we could be our "fake" selves, we might get a little further in this world. At least, if others, like me, are only presenting a contrived version of their best self.