black and white

Oh, Cyndi Lauper:
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
Do we really want people to be who they are? As a teacher, I mostly hear my colleagues claim that, yes, be who you are! I'm not so sure. I know that sounds cynical or even tyrannical, but "hear" me out.

I have no idea what most people think of me. I can't worry about how my students feel about me because a) they're teenagers and b) I'm not there to be their friend. I don't know how my colleagues feel about me, but I'll bet it's mostly positive, if they spend any time thinking about me at all. Deep down, though, I would say that I'm really selfish, self-centered, and prone to being jealous. I can also be materialistic and mean-spirited. If these are my "true colors", then I will have to disagree with Cyndi Lauper (which kills me! :) I guess these qualities further define who I am, make me unique, blah blah blah. Actually, these qualities probably describe almost everyone else alive right now, so maybe they don't really make me unique. So, to be told to be who I am, I really don't want to do that.

If I'm not going to be who I really am, deep down, then who am I going to be? A contrived version of my best self? Whatever I decide I want to be on any particular day? I think these questions further beg the question: who are any of us? I think most people might have a small group of really close friends who know the truth about them, and that's the closest we get to being who we really are. But then there are some people who are quite comfortable with being their true selves at all times (and those can be some really good people and some really misguided people as well).

I think that if we could be our "fake" selves, we might get a little further in this world. At least, if others, like me, are only presenting a contrived version of their best self.